Ulta Pulta
Horny affair
Jaspal Bhatti

Many of my friends ask me how I feel when I go abroad for my shows. I tell them that I don’t like going to foreign countries. I don’t like the traffic sense of the English and the Americans. They just don’t seem to know how to drive a car on the road.

Here in India, you enjoy blowing the horn loudly and you also hear so many beep-beeps on the road that you simply cannot drive on a silent road. That’s why I hate it in England and America where blowing a horn is almost like an insult. How can these foreigners ever understand why all our trucks have it boldly written on the rear of their trucks ‘Horn Please’.

Noise pollution in our country has reached such a high decibel level that blowing the horn has almost become a source of entertainment. In our village an old woman fervently waved to a bus driver to stop the bus. The driver stopped the bus and asked her where she wanted to go. The woman replied she didn’t want to go anywhere. "Mera baccha bahut ro raha hai. Zaara horn bajade shayad chup ho jaye".

And if that isn’t enough, people play havoc with the indicators. Most of the drivers just take a turn ahead of you without giving an indication. A few manage to give the indication but ultimately never turn in that direction.

One such woman driver put her right hand out of the car. The bus driver behind her thought that she would turn right, but she didn’t do so. The result — he banged right into her car. He asked the driver why she hadn’t turned right when she had indicated the same with her hand. The woman replied. "I wasn’t giving any indication. I was only drying my nail-polish."

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