WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Bigger piece

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don’t love me any more...”

“Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”

Class lesson

The child comes home from his first day at school.

Mother asks, “What did you learn today?”

The kid replies, “Not much. I’ll have to go back tomorrow also.”

Sleeping pill

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbour, “Hey wake that student up.”

The neighbour yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up”.

Money matters

Judge: “Have you anything to offer to this court before I pass sentence?”

Defendant: “No your honour, my lawyer took every penny.”

Perfect couple

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word “marriage”.

The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.”

A women’s prayer

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him: and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to death! Amen! 

Warning

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.

After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age.”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma