WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Piggy affair

A man passing an orchard noticed a farmer with a herd of pigs gathered around his feet.

The farmer was holding a pig up above his shoulder so it could bite off an apple. Then, he put the pig down and raised another, then another. The passerby shouted to the farmer: "Why don’t you just shake the tree and let the apples fall on the ground? That would save a lot of time."

The farmer responded, "What do pigs care about time?"

Morris and Becky were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption centre told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy.

On the way home, they stopped by the local college so they each could enrol in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

When a toddler swallowed a tiny magnet, his panicky mother rushed him to the emergency room.

"He’ll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."

"How will I be sure?" she pressed.

"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know."

The rich, old, dying man called his lawyer to his bedside for the purpose of disposing of his worldly goods.

"How many children have you?" the lawyer asked.

"That, sir," said the old-timer, "will be decided by the courts when my will is contested."

The old man staggered into the doctor’s office, leaning heavily on the arm of his son.

Slowly he made his way into the examination room where the doctor appeared and asked the old fellow how he felt. "Well doc, it’s like this. I’m still kickin’ all right, but I ain’t raising any dust."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma