WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Enough is enough

A wife one day learned that her husband had taken a mistress. She demanded angrily, "Does this mean that you’ve had enough of me?"

"No, my dear," he calmly replied. "It means that I haven’t had enough of you."

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewellery store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

The doctor was making his rounds and walked into the semi-private room in the hospital to examine Mrs Williams. After examining her, in his best professional voice, he said smoothly, "You are coughing much more easily this morning."

"I should," snapped the patient, "I’ve been practising all night."

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone.

Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight:`A0 the mother-in-law was backed up against a tree, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the husband. "The lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it."

At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us,

"What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’"

"Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She’s probably right."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma