WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Will power

A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased’s family: “To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million.”

The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1million.”

The lawyer concluded, “And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention  him in my will — well you are wrong. Hi Dan!”  

Perfect eyesight

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defence lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”

“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”

The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”

“Yes,” says Sam, “I saw him do it.”

Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”

Sam says, “I can see the moon, how far is that?”

Job well done

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager’s office.

“What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked.

“When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years’ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you’ve ever had.”

“Well,” the young man said, “in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

Unfair lady

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client. “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”

“Fair to both?” exploded Mrs LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma