WEBSIDE HUMOUR
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Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother when his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest.

Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

A passer-by noticed a couple of workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn’t understand what they were doing.

Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you’re both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is sick today."

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.

The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honourable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"

Weeks later the judge ruled in favour of the lawyer’s client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him.

"Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars to the judge?" the partner asked.

"But I did send them," replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the business card of plaintiff’s lawyer."

A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.

He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that darn thing on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!"

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma