WEBSIDE HUMOUR

In full flight

The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers. "We have a little extra room tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full."

A Chinese sees Steven Spielberg in a bar in America. As he was a great fan of his, he asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor." The astonished Chinese replies, "It were the Japanese."

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on it."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same."

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don’t have the hiccups any more do you?" The man exclaims, "I don’t have the hiccups. My wife does."

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue.`A0Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh,"`A0confided the collector with a smile, "we don’t send out first notices.`A0 We have found that the second notices are more effective."

While reviewing maths symbols with the second-grade pupils, a maths teacher drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the blackboard and said, "Does anyone remember what these mean?"

A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand.

"One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma