WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Spirited move

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. The bartender asks him why does he want three beers. The man says, "Well, one is for me and the other two, for my brothers who live in Texas."

The man does this for about a week and one day the man walks in and orders two beers instead of three. The bartender asks him why just two, the man says, "Well my wife told me I had to quit drinking but she didn’t say anything about my brothers."

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for traffic violation.

"Keep it," the clerk advises. "When you get four of them, you get a bicycle."

A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart.

She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that your are a real lady killer."

The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes."

"This little computer," said the a sales clerk, "will do half your job for you."

The senior manager studying the machine made his decision; "Fine, I’ll take two."

A newlywed is trying to console his little bride, who is lying sprawled and dissolved in tears on the couch.

"Darling’" he implored, "Believe me. I never said you were a terrible cook. I merely pointed out that our garbage disposal has developed an ulcer."

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby.

The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaited event.

Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, "Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home? "Lucas burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

A young child walked up to her mother and stared at her hair. As mother scrubbed on the dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked, "Why do you have some grey strands in your hair?"

The mother paused and looked at her daughter. "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."

The mother quickly returned to her task of washing dishes. The little girl stood there thinking. She cleared her throat again.

"Mother?" She sweetly asked again. "Yes?" Her Mother replied. "Why is grandma’s hair all grey?"

A travel agent said to his customer, "I can get you three days and two nights in Rome for a hundred bucks." "How come so cheap?" asked the customer. The travel agent replied, "The days are July 11, 12 and 13. The nights are July 21 and 22."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma