WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Second try

Arriving home from work at his usual hour of 5 p.m., the husband discovered that it had not been one of his wife’s better days. Nothing he said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so to cheer her up, he asked his wife that he go outside, pretend he had just got home, and start all over again. His wife agreed. The husband went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I’m home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied angrily. "It’s after seven o’clock!"

Sales talk

After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the juniors.

"People," he said, "I’ve just been informed that we’re going to be having a fire sale."

"A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance."

"I said a fire sale, and I meant it," he replied rather coldly. "Anyone who doesn’t make a sale gets fired...."

In defence

During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and you are caught in the crossfire. Action!" The recruit takes two steps to one side. "What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. "I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.

Hit hard

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn’t even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?" Said the other ant: "I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get on the ball."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma