WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Boss blues

“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked the other.

“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”

Handsome ways

On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, “Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and irresistible to women you are?”

“Why no,” said the husband, flattered.

“Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?” she yelled.

Fairytale

The little girl had just listened to her mother’s reading one of her favorite fairy tales.

“Mommy,” asked the child, “do all the fairytales begin with ‘Once Upon a Time’...?”

“No, sweetheart,” replied the mother, “sometimes they start with ‘Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight’.”

After you

There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.

They politely say to each other: “You may choose first.”“No, you may choose first.”And this goes on for a while. Then the first person says: “OK, I’ll take first.”And he takes the big piece of fish. The second person: “Why did you take the big piece? That’s not polite!”

The first person says: “Which piece would you have taken?”

The second person replies: “Why, I would have taken the small piece, of course.”

The first person says: “Well, that’s what you have now!”

Wrong delivery

A man had just moved into a new apartment and was having problems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant’s mail to his address.

Hoping to resolve the situation, he enlarged his name on the mailbox, but the postman still kept giving him the wrong letters.

Finally, he left a note for the postman saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly.

The next day he found a message written by the postman below his message: “Sir, I am delivering the mail correctly. You’re just living at the wrong address.”  

Sales talk

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company.

“Do you have a second mortgage on your home?”

“No,” a lady replied at the other end.

“Would you like to consolidate all your debts?”

“I really don’t have any,” she said.

“How about freeing up cash for home improvements?” he tried.

“I don’t need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash,” she parried.

There was a brief silence, and then he asked, “Are you looking for a husband?”  

Easy solution

A new mother went to the psychiatrist worried. “Doctor,” she said, “Since I had the baby I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?”

“Easy,”said the doctor. “Just take the carpet off the floor.”

Compiled by Sunil Sharma