WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Fishy tale

Mary said to her neighbour, "How could you believe your husband’s story that he spent the day fishing? He didn’t come home with a single fish."
That’s why I believe him," the neighbour said.

A little kid was walking down the beach, and as he did so, he saw a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand.

He walked up to her and asked, "Do you go to church every week?"

"Yes." she replied.

"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."

"Do you know the Ten Commandments?"

"Yes, I do." she answered, with a smile.

"Do you keep them all?" Johnny asked.

She nodded her head, "Yes, I do." she said.

With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my dollar while I go swimming?"

A recent widow was crying to a grief counsellor. "We were married 25 years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."

"Amazing," said the councillor. "How did you do it?"

"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

"Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and......"

"Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we are too busy............."

"But you don’t understand........ this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human. He can practically talk."

"Well, you’d better hang up, lady. He may be trying to call you right now."

The head of a small industrial company posted DO IT NOW signs all around his office and plant in hopes of getting better results from his workers. Some weeks later, when asked why he was removing the slogans, he said, "It worked too well: the bookkeeper skipped with $20,000; the chief clerk eloped with the best secretary I’ve ever had; three salesmen asked for raises; and the workers in the factory joined the union and are out on strike."

There are three guys stranded on their boat in the middle of the ocean. The next morning they wash up on the shore of some cannibal Indians that make boats out of their skins. When the three guys get there, the Indians give them each three wishes. The first guy wishes for a huge Christmas-like dinner. So he gets one. Then they eat him. The second guy wishes for nothing. So they eat him too. Then the last guy wishes for a fork. So they give him a fork and he stabs himself to death. Before he dies, he says: "I hope your boat sinks."

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, child?"

"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma