WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Cheque list

A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the cheque he’d been given.

"This is $ 200 less than we agreed on," he said.

"I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you $200, and you never complained."

The contractor said. "Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call your attention to it."

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take life insurance cover. "Suppose your husband was to die, what would you get," he asked. The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet."

Two barbershops were in red-hot competition. One put up a sign advertising haircuts for seven dollars. His competitor put up one that read, "We repair seven-dollars hair cuts."

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologised and explained, "I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered.

"No, I can’t." the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."

Two little boys are talking to each other. One of them says, "What does your dad do for a living?" The other says, "He is a lawyer." The first one says, "Honest?" "No, just a regular lawyer."

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up.`A0She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, "I’m two hours late . . . and you’re still not ready?"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma