WEBSIDE HUMOUR
In the dock

A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.

"I’ll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don’t you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on both sides: "For Sale."

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 per cent. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times."

A blond young lady came home from the store and showed her husband the new dress she’d bought, which was made of plastic and totally transparent.

"But honey," the young husband gasped, "people will see right through it."

"No they won’t, dummy," she replied. "I’ll be inside of it."

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house.

"You did a great job," he said and handed the man a cheque. "Also, as a bonus, here’s an extra $80 to take the wife out to dinner and a movie."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something, he asked: "What’s the matter, did you forget something?"

"Nope." replied the painter. "I’m just here to take your wife out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pick-up trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognise my pick-up."

The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make? God knows we’re in here... and he’s the only one who counts."

The first deacon answered, "Yeah, but God won’t tell my wife."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma