WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Eye-opener

A man goes to an optician and asks for his eyes to be tested because he suspected he was shortsighted. The optician took the man outside and pointed to the sky saying, "What’s that up there?" The man replied, "Why., that’s the sun.." On that the optician said, "How far do you want to see, Sir?"

One summer evening, a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.

His mother said, "No, but I appreciate you asking." The child responded, "Well, I appreciate you saying no."

A woman noticed a sign on the wall in a holiday resort.

It read: Breakfast served from 6 am to 10.30 am, lunch from 12 noon to 3 pm, tea from 4pm to 5 pm, dinner from 7 pm to 11 pm.

Puzzled, she said to her husband, "That doesn’t leave much time to us for sightseeing, does it?"

A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don’t really like to dress like this but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them."

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.

"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning!" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast!"

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question ‘Have you ever been arrested?’ he wrote, "No." 

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."  

Little Billy returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

Why?" asks the father."

The teacher asked, ‘How much is two times three?’ I said six," replied Billy.

"But that’s right!" says his dad.

Yeah, but then she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’"

"What’s the bloody difference?" asks the father.

"That’s exactly what I said!"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma