Idiot’s tale

A woman was letting her husband have it with just a touch more venom than usual.

"You’re an idiot. You have always been an idiot. You’ll always be an idiot. If they had an idiot contest, you’d come in second."

"Why would I come in second?" the browbeaten husband asked.

"Because you’re an idiot."

A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First, I need you to give me your height and position." "I’m 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat."

A woman went to her doctor’s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What’s the matter with you? Mrs Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown-up children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?"

A man and his five-year-old son were travelling to the bank one Saturday morning when they stopped at a corner. The little boy hearing a "Beep..Beep..Beep" asked his dad where was the sound coming from. His dad said the sound was coming from a nearby dump truck that was backing up and that sound was to warn people behind it to get out of the way.

When they arrived at the bank, the lines were long and so they got into one of the lines behind a rather large lady. All of a sudden another man’s beeper started to go off and the little boy with fear in his eyes said "Look out dad she’s backing up."

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma