Asking for trouble

While a husband and wife were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by.

The husband’s eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, the wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you’re in?"

A grandson was trying to get his grandmother to fly out for a visit.

"No way am I getting on an airplane," was the inevitable answer.

"Look, grandma, when it’s your time to go, it doesn’t matter if you’re on the ground or in the air."

"I know," she said. "I just don’t want to be that far off the ground when it’s the pilot’s time to go."

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a newborn baby!"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend`A0advised her to take up yoga.

She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.

"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toenails`A0so I bite them instead."

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment," replied the witness.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma