WEBSIDE HUMOUR

Heaven’s sake

A schoolteacher tried to encourage young students to follow religion. He told them of all the attractions like ice cream, chocolates, candies, etc., that they would get in heaven if they worshipped God. Finally he asked who wanted to go to heaven? All students raised their hands except one worried little girl. When he asked, "What about you dear?" With a little voice, she replied, "No, mommy told me to go straight home when I leave school."

"What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?" said the officer.

"I’m going to a lecture," the man said.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife," said the man.

Smith told John, "I called up the local lunatic asylum the other day to see who escaped from there recently."

"Really?`A0Why do you wonder about that?"

"Well, somebody married my ex-wife last month."

In a hat shop, a saleslady gushed: "That’s the hat for you!`A0It makes you look 10 years younger." "Then, I don’t want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly`A0can’t afford to put on 10 years every time I take off my`A0hat."

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma