WEBSIDE HUMOUR
New arrival

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, “Oh darling, I’m the happiest man in the world.” “I’m glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us,” she replied.

Blessed kid

“Mom, teacher was asking me today if I had any brothers or sisters who would be coming to school.” “That’s nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are the only child?” She just said, “Thank goodness!”

Drunken revelry

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks, “I notice you’ve been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?” “Yes, he’s my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago,” she replies. “That’s remarkable,” the husband replies, “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.”

Wrong parking

A father of a teenage girl was very upset over his daughter and her boyfriend engaged in group study in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door.  Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.   “I have to ask you to move your car,”he told the boy.  

“Oh, sure. Is it in someone’s way?” “No,”he replied, “it’s parked at the wrong address.”

Woolly woes

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. Realising that she was oblivious of his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “Pull over!” The blonde yelled back, “No…scarf.”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma