WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Job well done

A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately. After about a week of no news, the businessman received a telegram: “The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn’t show up yesterday.…”

Money matters

Husband: “Don’t put that money in your mouth. There are germs on it.”

Wife: “Don’t be silly. Even a germ can’t live on the money you make.”

Nose for style

A man entered a barbershop and said: “I am tired of looking like everyone else. I want a change. Part my hair from ear to ear.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” said the man.

The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left the shop.

A few hours passed and the man reentered the shop. “Put it back the way it was,” he said. “What’s the matter,” asked the barber. “Are you tired of being a nonconformist already?” “No”, he replied, “I am tired of people whispering in my nose!”

Young wisdom

A man comes to dinner at a new friend’s house. While they eat, the new friend’s small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, “Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?”

The kid says, “Daddy told me you were a self-made man.” “I am.” “Well, why did you make yourself like that?”

Sex in movies

A TV channel was conducting a survey on whether there was too much sex in movies these days. An old woman was walking through the mall when a reporter and cameraman stopped her. “I’m taking a survey,” he said.

“Do you think there is too much sex in movies?” “I’m not sure,” replied the old woman. “I’m usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing.”  

See the light

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out of the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

“I'm sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

His story

A curious kid comes running to an elderly man, who is reading a book, and asks him, “What are you reading?” The elderly man answers, “A history book.”

The kid looks at what the elderly man is reading and says, “But that’s a book about sex.”

And the man said, “Yeah, but for me that is history.”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma