WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Long and short of it

This drunk gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and Cork. "About two hours," says the conductor.

"OK," says the drunk, "then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?"

The irate driver says to the drunk "It’s still about two hours. Why’d you think there’d be a difference?"

"Well," says the drunk, "It’s only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it’s a long time between New Year and Christmas."

"I’m afraid you only have three weeks to live," the doctor told his patient. The patient replied, "Then I’ll take the last two weeks in "July and the week between Christmas and New Year."

A couple had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage. The husband was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation. "It’s simple," he said, "division of labour. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on."

"And you?" "I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on."

A computer user on the phone to Technical Support: "My files are gone! The hard drive crashed! What should I do!" Technical Support: "Did you back up?"

The computer user gets alarmed: "Why? Is my computer going to blow up?"

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma