WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Fishing for trouble

Two morons are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn’t salty, there are tonnes of hungry fish." They thank him and go on their way. Fifteen minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty." He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." Thirty minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty." One hour later, they check again. "Nope. Still salty." "This isn’t good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!" "I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty."

Mature ways

An old man limped into the doctor’s office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk." The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?" "I’m 98," the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I’m sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you’re complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn’t hurt."

Parking concern

While walking through a parking lot, a man tripped and fell flat on his face. As he was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?" "No, I’m fine," he said, touched by her concern. "Oh, good," she continued.  "So will you be vacating your parking space now?"

The right pill

The doctor handed his overweight patient a bottle of pills. "Don’t swallow these pills," he said. "Instead, spill them on the floor three times a day and pick them up one by one."

Wedding woes

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn’t going to take all day, is it?"

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma