WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Quite an earful

Two men were working at the sawmill and one guy got too close to the saw and cut his ear off. It fell in the sawdust pit so he jumped down into the pit and was hunting around trying to find it.

The second guy saw him and hollered down, "What’re you doing?" The first man said that he had cut off his ear and was looking for it. The second guy said, "I’ll help you" and jumped in the pit. He was searching around on his hands and knees and then hollered, "I found it." The first guy took it and examined it closely, then said, "Keep looking. Mine had a pencil behind it."

"What happened to you?" asked a bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside a beauty parlour. The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, ‘Well, honey, at least you tried.’"

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what was the criterion that defined whether or not a patient had been cured.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient andask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"Actually," said the director, "A normal person would just pull the plug."

A son had just turned 14 when his father finally decided to talk to him about sex. To ensure private time, he brought him on a ski trip and began conversation on the chair lift so that he couldn’t escape.

"Son, do you know about girls and babies?" he asked.

The son nodded but cut him off.

The next ride up the ski lift, the father brought up the subject again, only to have him look away in silence. On the third lift, already knowing he had waited too long, the father bluntly asked, "Son, would you like to talk about sex?"

"Come’n, dad," he responded disdainfully, "is that all you ever think about?"

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma