WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Medical term

The man told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You’re just a plain old lazy bum."

"Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!"

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, "What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don’t worry, my son. Jesus is with us."

The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle."

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again, soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Solider: No, SIR!

A woman’s husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday.

She thought for a moment and said, "This year I just want cold, hard cash for a change."

The following day her husband fulfilled her request. He put $40 in nickels, dimes and quarters into a quart jar, then filled it with water and placed it in the freezer.

On her birthday he handed his wife a solidly frozen bottle of change.

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

"OK," says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.

"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered soldier. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."

"Not me, Sir!" the soldier replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I’m never going to stand in line again!"

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma