WEBSIDE HUMOUR

Tit for tat

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented, "These are very good. You must have a good camera." He didn’t make any comment but as he was leaving to go home, he said: "That was a really delicious meal. You must have some very good pots."

"So, how did you do?" the boss asked his new salesman after his first day on the road. "All I got were two orders."

"What were they? Anything good?"

"Nope," the salesman replied. "They were ‘Get out!’ and ‘Stay out!’

A police officer on patrol duty was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked: "Are you a police officer?" "Yes," he answered. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that’s right," he said. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward him, "would you please tie my shoe?"

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment’s silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"

A little girl, whenever asked her name, would reply, "I’m Mr Sugarbrown’s daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I’m Jane Sugarbrown." A few days later, the vicar spoke to her in Sunday school, and said, "Aren’t you Mr Sugarbrown’s daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I’m not."

A woman was travelling in the first class of a train with a small dog. When the ticket inspector came, he told her she’d have to buy a ticket for her dog. Understandably galled, she replied that if she was paying for a ticket for the dog, the dog would be entitled to a seat of its own. The ticket collector graciously agreed but on one condition; he pointed to the sign by the window and said, "Just as long as he keeps his feet off the seat."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma