THIS ABOVE ALL
Field day for noise-makers
Khushwant Singh

IT begins with a bang followed by a few more bangs. The number of bangs go on increasing till the first big festival Dasehra. That evening it becomes like cannons firing from all sides. You can’t hear anything else. You can’t carry on any conversation, hear music, watch TV or get proper sleep. The next morning black smoke hangs in the air like a pestilent cloud. You breathe smoke till it chokes you.

The number of bangs decreases for a few days till the second big day of the festival season, Divali. That day hell breaks loose and you think the third world war has broken out. The noise is deafening, the smoke next morning thicker, inhaling it deadlier. It continues for some days till after the ammunition of bombs, crackers and sparklers, etc runs out.

Meanwhile, rivers, lakes and the sea coast get their dose of festival season poisoning: thousands of idols of Ganpati and Durga coated with deleterious stuff takes its toll of millions of fish, turtles and other marine life.

Since the advent of loud-speakers, yet another weapon has been added to the armoury of festival revellers. Their nuisance value was curbed by the Supreme Court three months ago when it imposed a ban on their use between 10 pm to 6 am. It assures us of peaceful sleep at night. But there is nothing we can do legally to stop noise-makers who do not need to use loudspeakers to make their presence felt during daytime.

They are usually unlettered and underprivileged. They want to tell those better off than themselves that they don’t give a damn for middle-class decency and will be as inconsiderate towards their neighbours as they can be during the festival season. Consequently our three most popular festivals — Dasehra, Divali and Holi — which we looked forward to eagerly year after year, we now dread and have to seek protection from the law court and the police to keep goondaism, drunkenness and violence under control. As a nation we have the genius of converting the beautiful into the vulgar.

Life after death, be it in paradise, hell or in another human, animal, bird or insect form is a subject better left for speculation of the spiritual-minded. Scientists and skeptics have put it out of their minds for the time being to be thought over if fresh evidence is brought to light to re-examine it. So far there has been none. As far as heaven and hell are concerned, Mirza Ghalib put an end to the debate in two pithy lines:

We know the truth about the paradise

But says Ghalib

It is a good idea to beguile the mind.

The notion of rebirth in human or animal form of life persists largely because Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism and Sikhism lend support to it. For reasons best known to them, the conventional figure of lives one can return into his or her 84 lakhs — chauraasee lakh joon. Since we cannot communicate with other forms of life which cannot converse in human tongues, the only possibility of examining the theory is when a person is reborn in human form.

Scriptures of all the aforementioned religions assure us this is possible and has been proven to be so: The Gita asserts in no uncertain terms that death is no more than a person taking off old clothes to put on new ones. Every few months our newspapers carry stories about the birth of some child who when he or she is able to speak, recalls members of the family he or she belonged to in their previous lives. Nobody cares to follow up these stories and they disappear from the public mind to be followed by others. So the legend of rebirth continues.

The reason why I bring up the subject is an hour-long programme on Aaj Tak TV channel, entitled Punar-janam (next life). It had two families claiming that a child born in one was an incarnation of one who had belonged to the other in its previous life.

It was introduced by a man who started off by asserting that there was no doubt whatsoever that when a person died, his or her atma (soul) floated about in space till it entered another at an appropriate time. Sitting beside him was a man with a foot-long snow-white beard which added weight to his wisdom, nodded his head in approval. The two families of the child who had died in one family to be reborn in the other were shown at intervals both verifying the claims of punarjanam.

The one word that was repeated dozens of times by all participants was Vishwaas (faith). It is the one-word answer given by people who have run out of logic, reason and common sense. It was pathetic, what would have been proper was to subject the two families to a session of cross-examination by a panel of scientists and skeptics, they would have proved to the viewers of this channel that what these fellows were saying was absolute crap and the proper words to use for it was andh vishwas — blind faith devoid of reason. It was wrong on the part of Aaj Tak to give publicity to gross superstition just to keep up its viewership.

Laloo Prasad sent his bio-data to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got the reply: "Dear Mr Laloo Prasad, you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained, Thanks." — Bill Gates.

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a Press conference: "Bhaiyo aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo Prasad continued. "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaaongaa. Par letter angreezee main hai isliyea saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

"Dear Mr Laloo Prasad — Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiya

You do not meet — app to millay hee naheen ho

our requirement — humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence — ab letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee

No phone call — phoonva ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained — bhaut khaatir kee jayagi.

Thanks — aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates — Bilva.

(Contributed by Vipin Buckhey, New Delhi)