WEBSIDE HUMOUR
A safe card

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card. The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don’t understand. I need a card that covers ‘both’events. You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday."

Suitable reason

An employee in a government office needed a new dictionary for office use.  He had to fill in a request form for the same. The request form said, "State reason this item is needed."

The issuing officer who had expected a usual answer: "My old copy is lost" or "The cover is falling off" was amazed to read his reason. The employee wrote, "My edition defines spaceship as an ‘imaginary aircraft’." He got his new dictionary.

Stamped moves

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything was checked, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."

Flirting notes

The minister arose to address his congregation. "There is a certain man among us today who is flirting with another man’s wife. Unless he puts five dollars in the collection box, his name will be read from the pulpit." When the collection plate came in, there were 19 five-dollar bills, and a two-dollar bill with this note attached: "Other three on payday."

Bite the dust

The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn’t bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."  

Young wisdom

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I’m wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can’t read, I can’t write — and they won’t let me talk."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma