WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Hard facts

A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, he wanted a video of his wife’s activities. A week later, the detective returned with a film showing his wife meeting another man. He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. "I just can’t believe this," said the distraught husband. "What’s not to believe?" the detective said. "It’s right up there on the screen!" "I simply can’t believe my wife could be so much fun," the husband replied.

Perfect speech

The CEO of a large company was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. A few days later when the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

Young wisdom

A child comes home from his first day at school. His mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

Long shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking you so long? Why don’t you hit the ball?" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Oh come on. You don’t stand a chance of hitting her from here."

Talk shop

A husband who had reluctantly agreed to come shopping with his wife found himself stuck in a lingerie shop while his better half tried on one garment after another. Impatient and bored, he regretted his decision and asked a salesgirl, "Is there anything in the store for men?" "Sir," she said, "everything in this store is for men."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma