WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Letter trouble

A woman was bragging to her next-door neighbour about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary". "You’re lucky," the neighbour said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank."

A woman went to a shopping mall and said to the saleswoman: "I’d like to try on that dress in the window".

Saleswoman: "I’m sorry, madam, you’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else".

Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?" And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this."

The nurse burst into the doctor’s office. "Doctor," she yelled, "you just gave a clean bill of health to Mr Smith and he dropped dead right outside the door."

The doctor jumped into action. "Quick," he said, "We’ve got to turn him around so it looks like he was just coming in."

A man was waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You’re beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You’re cute." The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said, "What happened to ‘beautiful’?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

One day a woman finds her husband in a sombre mood, just staring at the wall. "What’s the matter, dear?" she asked. He looked up and said: "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. He said, "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years." "I remember that too," she replies softly. He wipes his tears and says, "I would have gotten out today."

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, "What’s wrong?" The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, "I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, 25, intelligent, a marvellous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend". The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?" The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can’t remember where I live."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma