Webside humour
Aid & advice

A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms — would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure." "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you’d be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." "Certainly." And it was done. "If," said the armless man, "you’d reach my right-side pants pocket, you’ll find the money for the beer." The bartender got it. "You’ve been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men’s room?" "Out of the door," said the bartender, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there’s one in a filling station on the corner."

A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks. "May I ask what you’re building?" asks the man behind the counter. "It’s going to be a barbecue." "Wow, that’s a lot of bricks for one barbecue." "Not really. You see, I live on the 12th floor."

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies: "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids..."

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men’s game. "Enough is enough, I’m going to go ask them if we can play through," said one. He started walking over towards the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and rushed back, white as a ghost. "Oh God," he said to his friend, "Narrow escape. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress." You go and ask them if we can play through. The other man shrugged, and said "OK." He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said, "Small world!"

Once a caller gave his name, number and message to an answering service and then said, "You know my name. What’s yours?" "We’re not allowed to give our names," the girl at the answering service replied, "but my operator number is 4136." Sounding disappointed, he said, "May I call you by your first digit, or would that be too personal?"

A young man was taking a verbal test to join the local police force.

The question asked was, "If you were driving a police car alone on a lonely road at night, and were being chased by a gang of criminals driving 60 miles an hour, what would you do?" The young man answered without a second’s thought: "Seventy!"

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma