Webside humour
Grand wisdom

A man, driving with his nine-year-old granddaughter, beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, grandpa." He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn’t say ‘idiot!’ afterwards."

The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only — Smith, Jones, Baker — that’s all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you.…"

Three salesmen were bragging about who was the best. The first said that he was so good that he sold a colour television to a blind man. The second bragged he sold a hi-fi stereo system to a deaf man. The third said he sold a cuckoo clock to a blond. The other two said, "So what?" The third salesman added, "Along with the cuckoo clock, I also sold him 50 kg of bird seeds."

Two men, sitting at an airport, started conversation. "I’ve come to meet my brother," said one. "He’s due to fly in from Canada in an hour’s time. It’s his first trip home in 40 years." "Will you be able to recognise him?" asked the other. "I’m not sure," he said, "after all, he’s been away for a long time." "I wonder if he’ll recognise you?" the second guy said. "Of course he will," the first man said. "I haven’t been away at all."

Mrs Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I’ve just received a letter from mother saying she isn’t accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn’t you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn’t spell ‘convenience,’ so I made it ‘risk’."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma