Webside humour
Military rule

A property manager of single-family residence was showing a`A0unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We’re a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. `Animals?" `Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They’re very well behaved."

A long jump

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. The patients are told if they pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?" asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well doc, I can’t swim!"

A man and his wife had been debating the purchase of a new`A0auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck.`A0She wanted a fast`A0little sports car so she could zip through traffic around`A0town.`A0`A0He would have settled on a used truck, but everything she`A0seemed to like was way out of their price range.`A0"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200`A0in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You`A0could surprise me! "A0For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

When Peter learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I’ve been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation. "The human resources director agreed and said he’d have the`A0letter the next day. The following morning, Peter found`A0the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peter worked for our company for 11years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."

After retirement, a husband and wife were discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" the husband asked his wife. After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is not so active for her age. Then she asked her husband, "What will you do if I die first?" With a glee in his eyes he replied, "Probably the same thing."

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let’s have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let’s kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Well, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma