Webside humour
Cost-cutting

To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with`A0the collections.`A0One Sunday, he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection`A0plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the`A0chickens from Farmer Condill’s henhouse please refrain from`A0giving any money to the Lord.`A0The Lord doesn’t want money`A0from a thief."`A0The collection plate was passed around, and for the first`A0time in months everybody gave.

Two cowboys are riding their horses together when they come upon a big pile of manure. The first cowboy said to another, "I will bet you a $1000 that I can eat all of this crap." The second cowboy agrees, so the first cowboy eats the entire pile and wins $1000. After some time they come across another pile of manure. This time the second cowboy bets the first that can he too eat the whole pile for $1000. The first cowboy agrees and the second cowboy eats the entire pile and wins the bet. They ride on again. After a while the first cowboy says to the second, "Do you realise that we just ate a whole pile of manure for nothing?"

Boss said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after death?"
Employee: "Certainly not! There’s no proof of it," he replied.
Boss: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your`A0uncle’s funeral, he came here looking for you."

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven."

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After an especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theatre yelled out,`A0"Hey, how’d you do that?" "I could tell you, madam", the magician answered, "But then I’d have to kill you." After a short pause, she yelled back, "Ok, then... Just tell my husband."

A well known diplomat had just returned from a weekend at a stately country home. When he was asked by a friend whether or not he’d had a good time, he said, "If the soup had been as warm as the wine, and the wine as old as the chicken, and the chicken as tender as the upstairs maid, and the maid as willing as the Lady of the house, it would have been perfect."

A man goes to the dentist’s office to get a bad tooth pulled. He asks the dentist how long the procedure will take. "You’ll be out of here before you know it, and won’t feel a thing. It will take just five minutes," assured the dentist. "And how much is this cost?" The man asks. "Fifty dollars" the dentist states plainly. "Geesh," the man grumbled, "it’s a crime to charge 50 dollars for a five minute job." "Then for you, I’ll give you a special," the dentist said, "I’ll take 35 minutes to do the extraction."

 — Compiled by Sunil Sharma