Webside humour
Last wish

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message to his doctor and lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves`85 and that’s how I want to go."

A man went to apply for a job.`A0After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?"

"It’s called the door."

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won’t sleep with you tonight". By now, the entire bar is staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly embarrassed and slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200."

A marketing guy was interviewing people on the street. He button-holed a guy and was asking him a series of questions which went like this...

Which shaving cream do you use?

The gent answered, Baba’s, and the guy proceeded to answer each of the interviewer’s following questions with the same answer, Baba’s...

Which aftershave do you use?

Which deodorant do you use?

Which toothpaste do you use?

Which shampoo do you use?

Which soap do you use?

Finally, a bit frustrated, the interviewer asked,

"Ok, tell me, What is this ‘Baba’? Is it an international or foreign company?"

The guy replies...

"No, he’s my room-mate."

John, the shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business, much like his own, opened up next door to the right, and erected a huge sign that read:

BEST DEALS

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his left side, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading:

LOWEST PRICES

John panicked, until he got a terrific idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: MAIN ENTRANCE.

Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before.

"What do I do if she’s really unattractive?" says Mike. "I’ll be stuck with her all night."

"Don’t worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout "Aaaauuuggghhh!" and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and beautiful she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: "Aaaauuuggghhh"

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?", the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

 — Compiled by Sunil Sharma