Webside humour
Smart sales

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted as district manager of the sales department. Just four months later, you were promoted as vice-chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, dad."

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I’m not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth.

The deliveryman looked over the gate towards the house which was his package’s destination, and saw a large and aggressive-looking dog on the lawn, staring at him. There was also a blonde woman looking at him from an open first-floor window. He shouted to the woman, "Is your dog friendly?" She said, "Yes." So the deliveryman opened the gate, and was promptly savaged by the dog. When he had been rescued from the dog, the deliveryman angrily said to the woman, "You said your dog was friendly." "He is," said the woman, "but that’s not my dog."

An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky. One very nervous woman, sitting next to a clergyman, turned to him.

"Can’t you do something?" she demanded angrily.

"I’m sorry ma’am," the reverend said gently, "I’m in sales, not management."

Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her thesecret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don’t tell her I told you that`A0she told me."

Pricey talk

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" said the client. "Of course," the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions." "Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?" "Yes it is," said the lawyer, what’s your third question?"

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don’t know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff — grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven’t the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know crap?"

Charlie, an avid horse race better, once saw a Catholic priest visit one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a`A0blessing. The blessed horse came in first. Charlie followed the priest before the next race. Again, the priest blessed another horse. Charlie quickly put two dollars on that horse and won close to fifty bucks. The priest kept blessing horses and Charlie kept betting on them and they won. The last race of the day was the biggest and Charlie saw the priest going to another horse. He quickly went to his bank and withdrew his life’s savings of $20,000, and put it all on that horse in anticipation of becoming a millionaire. The horse was last to cross the line and Charlie was dead broke. He couldn’t believe his ill fate and approached the priest and asked, "What happened to that last horse you blessed? Because your blessing didn’t work, I’ve lost all of my money!"

The priest said, "That’s the trouble with you, you can’t tell the difference between a blessing and the last rites."

 — Compiled by Sunil Sharma