Webside humour
Real trial

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The president decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!"

At a dinner party, several guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don’t know about that," answered a blonde woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was 21."" You’ll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so," responded the woman. "When a woman has kept a secret for 27 years, she can keep it forever."

An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees My Sin, Desire, and Ecstasy. She says to the salesperson, "I don’t want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice."

Just before their first long deployment, two navy officers were talking about the stress of leaving their families. A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard their conversation and offered the following advice: "You must be sensitive to your wives’ emotional needs," he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack."

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn’t it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared at the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. "Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been cancelled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but it is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

"Boss, I’ve got to have a raise," the salesman said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that a fact?" the manager asked. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company."

A snobbish woman was shopping in an upscale pet centre. "I want a dog of which I can be proud," she told the salesman. "Does that one have a good pedigree?"

"Miss," declared the clerk, "if she could speak, she wouldn’t talk to either one of us."

Son: "Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?"

Father: "No. Why do you ask that?"

Son: "Well, where did you get mommy then?"

An old woman shot her husband dead.

She had some lawyer. The lawyer got her off scotfree.

"Have sympathy, My Lord, " the lawyer pleaded. "After all, my client’s a widow."

 — Compiled by Sunil Sharma