Webside humour
Experience counts

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian.

The motorist’s lawyer made this point: "Your honour, my client has been driving for over 30 years."

To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honour, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over 50 years."

A woman had a problem with her closet door — it fell every time a bus passed by her home. So she called a repairman. The repairman came and saw that, indeed, the door fell every time a bus passed by. "OK, I am going to see what is going on, just close the door behind me," he said and stepped into the closet.

At that time the husband came from work, opened the closet and found the repairman. Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!" Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"

Jim’s beautiful blonde wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the account. "The bank returned the cheque you wrote to the department store," he said. "Good," she replied.`A0 "Now I can use it to buy something else."

A bum asks a man for $2.

The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum said, "No."

The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?"

A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor." "There is no such doctor," she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?" "No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says. "But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."

He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor." They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there was one, why would you want to see him?" "Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."

A woman was out driving her car. When she stopped at a red light, the car just died.`A0It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her started growing.`The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as she continued to try getting the car to start up again.

Finally, getting out of her car, she approached the guy in the car behind her. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me.`Meanwhile I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you," she said smilingly.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson in science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?" Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You’re a mother!"

A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?" He says, "I don’t care! Just be out by the end of the week!"

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?

Little Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it. The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"

The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy"

 — Compiled by Sunil Sharma