Webside humour
Bleary vision

A husband and wife were driving to the airport, when they passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. The wife glanced up at it and said, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I’d look like her. "No," the husband corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, you’d look like her.

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a cheque. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits."

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

"In this job we need someone who is responsible," said the employer. "Then I’m your man," answered the potential employee. "On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

A young man was filling up a job application for night watchman in a girls’ hostel. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he wrote: Yes.

Father, "I’m worried about your being at the bottom of the class." Son, "Don’t worry, dad, they teach the same stuff at both ends."

A 17-year-old blonde was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, she got off to a good start and painted a white line seven miles long. The next day, however, she painted a line only four miles long. On the third day, she was down to less than a mile. Finally, her friend Max asked him why she was doing less each day. The blonde replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day to dip my brush."

Two children went into their parent’s bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner. "Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one, "don’t step on it!" "Why not?" asked the sibling. "Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"

"How come you’re late?" asked the boss, as the blonde worker walked into the office. "It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course." "What did you do?" asked the boss. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting."

For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks of touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America.

While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, "This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can’t wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!"

Her husband leans over, kisses her on the cheek, and says, "I’m going to come back and get you"

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

Q: How does a blonde confuse the world?

A: She actually finds the corner.

Q: How do you re-confuse a blonde?

A: Tell her she found the wrong corner.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma