Webside humour
Heights of thrill

An Arab wandering in the Sahara saw an American dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, an over-sized T-shirt and sunglasses. The Arab looked at him in amazement, "What are you doing   here dressed like that?"

 "I’m going swimming," the tourist explained.  

"But the ocean is 800 miles away," the Arab informed him.

  "Eight hundred miles," the American exclaimed with a whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!" 

Two girlfriends, one blonde and one brunette were speeding down the highway at well over 100 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "Yea. I see some following us now!"

"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are their flashers on?"

The blonde turned around again. "Yes...no...yes...no...yes..."

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news.  My grandfather just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied.  "If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to."

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

A girl in our office got engaged some time ago. She came to office wearing her engagement ring but none of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy, it’s so warm in here today, I think I’ll take off my ring."

A couple was having a long discussion about what to see and do now that they were in Florida on their honeymoon. In the end, trying to assert himself, the man exploded, "If it weren’t for my money, we wouldn’t be here at all".

The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren’t for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn’t be on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."

Two men are talking. The first said, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."

"Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons."

A lawyer was standing at the gate to Heaven and St Peter was listing the sins he had committed on earth. The lawyer while admitting that he had committed some sins argued, "But I’ve done some charity in my life also."

St. Peter looked in his book and said, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"

The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replied, "Yes."

St. Peter turned to the angel next to him and said, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."

Two deaf men were talking during their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you’re lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma