Webside humour
Hard choice

"I’m getting a divorce," said Jack to his friend Bill. "My wife hasn’t spoken with me for six months." Bill thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find."

While travelling in West Virginia a man noticed an old blonde standing in her front yard with a shovel in her hand, wiping the sweat from her brow and crying. Concerned, the man stopped and asked her what was wrong. "I just finished burying my best old coon dog I ever had," she sobbed. Looking around at six holes dug, the man asked her why she had dug six holes to bury one dog. She said, "Boy, don’t you know nothing? The first five holes were too small."

Two kids were talking when one said to his other: "My grandfather knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he also knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too."

Friend: "Wow, that’s incredible. How did he know all of that?"

Kid: "A judge told him."

While shopping in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked the salesman to help her choose a white shirt for her husband. When the salesman asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don’t know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."

A drunk Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork. "About two hours," says the conductor. "Okay," says the drunkard, "then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?"
The irate conductor says to the drunkard: "It’s still about two hours. Why’d you think there’d be a difference?" "Well," says the drunk, "it’s only a week between Christmas and New Year’s, but it’s a hell of a long time between New Year’s and Christmas!"

An Army major was conducting a field test when the communication went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to go to the command station. On reaching the station, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major’s hand.
"Don’t congratulate me, sir," the major said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant’s doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major’s wife just had a baby girl."

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-wheel drive vehicles."

"She did,’ he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake jeep?"

A couple just moved into a hotel. The hotel clerk asks the man after helping him with his luggage.

"Anything else"?

"No, thanks".

"Maybe, your wife needs something"?

"Oh, yeah. Thank you for reminding me. Do you sell greeting cards"?

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can’t believe it. Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don’t. If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well."

One day, a salesman stopped by the Jones farm. The farmer’s wife, Frannie, came to the door.

"Is your husband home, ma’am?" he asked.

"Sure is. He’s over in the cow barn."

"Well, I got something to show him, ma’am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?"

"Shouldn’t have any difficulties... he’s the one with the beard and mustache."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma