Webside humour
Bitter exchange

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to

stop drinking, smoking and staying out for long hours at night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said a man to his friend.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me."

On their second wedding anniversary, a man after reaching his office thought of sending a bouquet to his wife. He telephoned a florist and told him to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. In the evening the husband came back anticipating a romantic welcome but was aghast to find her in a very pensive mood instead. The wife threw the flowers and the card at him which read: "Happy Anniversary. You’re Number 2." 

A baby camel asks her mother one day, "Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Ok," said the son and then asks,"Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert."

After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the son replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert so that we can go without drinking for long periods." Very confused he again asks: "If we have huge feet to stop us sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water then why the hell are we in the San Diego zoo?"

A blonde was driving along a road by a wheat field when she saw another blonde in the middle of the field rowing a rowboat. The driver blonde stopped her car and shouted, "Hey, what are you doing?" The blonde in the boat said: "Can’t you see I’m rowing a boat in the sea of wheat." She said: "You know, it’s blondes like you who made us a laughing stock all over the world. Only if I knew how to swim, I’d have come and given you a slap on the face."

"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend.

"I gave a poor beggar $25."

"That’s a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?"

"He said, ‘Thank you’."

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.

With a low voice he sad to his wife,

"Maude, when I’m dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones."

"Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you!" Maude replies.

"But I want you to, Maude."

"But why?" Maude asks.

"Because I want to take revenge on him, he once cheated me in a horse trade."

A man walks into a jewellery store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its centre. "Excuse me sir," the gentleman says to the salesman. "How much is this ring?"

"Ah, that’s a beautiful piece," the salesman replies. "It goes for $10,000."

"My God!" the man exclaimed. "That’s a lot of money!"

"Yes, but a diamond is forever."

"Perhaps," the gentleman replied, "but my marriage won’t last that long!"

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:

Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18- year-old.

Father: When was the last time you made a confession?

Man: I never have, I am Jewish.

Father: Then why are telling me all this?

Very elated the man said: Are you kidding? I am telling everybody.

A convert

Moe: My wife converted me to religion.

Joe: Really?

Moe: Yes, until I married her I didn’t believe in hell.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma