Webside humour
Apt therapy

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counsellor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counsellor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day."

The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

A rich Texan walked into the office of a small Texas college and said, "I’d like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution provided you give an honorary degree to my ‘horse’."

"For your horse?"

"Yeah. She carried me for many years and I owe her a lot. I’d like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation."

"But . . . we can’t give a degree to a horse!"

"Then I’m afraid I’ll have to take my million dollars to another educational institution."

"Well, wait a minute," said the president, seeing the million slip through his fingers, "Let me consult with the college’s trustees."

A hurried trustee meeting was called.  Though the board members reacted sharply and refused, the oldest trustee said: "Take the money and give the horse the degree."

The president asked, "Don’t you think that would be a disgrace to us?"

"Of course not, " the wise old trustee said.  "It would be an honour.  It’d be the first time we ever gave a degree to an entire horse."

Weighty concern

At a pharmacy, a woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repair, but said that he would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"It won’t work," countered the woman.  "I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt."

The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.  

"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms or any pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?"

"Yes," she answered. "There was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him."

"And, when was that?"  
"When he asked for the another cup of coffee."  

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh daddy ! You men are all alike." Sighing deeply, she replied, "That’s exactly what he asked me about you."

A politician was addressing a public meeting one day when someone from the audience passed on a letter to him. On opening the letter, the politician found that there was only one word "Fool" written on the paper. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he shared the letter with the audience and announced: "I have known many an instance of a person writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of someone signing his name and forgetting to write the letter."

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey Tommy, want to play house?"

He replied, "Sure. What do you want me to do?"

The girl said, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."

"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirked and remarked, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.

"Look," said one to the other, "let’s be honest with each other."

"Okay, you first," replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma