Webside humour
Three wishes

Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumble upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp, a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the editor’s turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch," replied the editor, "the deadline for tomorrow’s newspaper is in about 10 hours."

In a bus full of senior citizens, an old lady taps the driver on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture eight times. The ninth time, he asks the old lady why doesn’t she eat the almonds herself. She replies that it is not possible because of her old teeth. I am not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. The old lady answers, "I just lick the chocolate around them."

William’s wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming.  Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor.  William was a little worried when the doctor came in.  Sensing his patient’s nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him.

"Well," William answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

An English tourist visited Germany. He assumed that most Germans would speak English. But he found that many people spoke only their native tongue, including the ticket inspector on the train. The ticket inspector punched his ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. The tourist simply nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested. When the collector had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if he spoke German.

"No," the Englishman confessed.

"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn’t bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train."

A blonde was cooking something in the oven when it caught fire and started filling the entire house with smoke. Panicked, she called 9-1-1. When the call was answered the blonde screamed, "Help, my house is on fire." To which the crisis manager inquired, "How do we get to your house?" The blonde says, "Obviously, in your big red truck?"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma