Webside humour
Fastest

These three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says: "Ha! You think that’s fast. My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It’s a miracle." "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment," replied the witness.

Five-year-old Jimmy came running to his mother and asked: "Mom, are the Smiths very poor people?"

I don’t think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?

Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.

"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election."

"Honestly?"

The politician’s smile faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

A man was driving along a rural road when he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road. He followed the chicken in his car and clocked it at 45 miles per hour. When the man got to the farmhouse, he asked the farmer about the chicken. The farmer replied, "Well, when I was at the university I studied genetics. I thought I’d see if I could make a three-legged chicken. So, here it is."

The man was quite impressed. He asked, "How does it taste?"

The farmer replied, "Don’t know. I have not been able to catch one yet."

A four-year-old girl went for the first time to Disneyland with her dad. She couldn’t wait to get on Mr Toad’s Wild Ride. As the car zoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speeding train, and through walls that fell away at the last second, she clutched the little steering wheel in front of her. When the ride was over, she said to her dad a little shakily, "Next time, you drive. I didn’t know where I was going." 

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians."

All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member accepted.

"Ok" he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma