Webside humour
Surprise

In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.

"Oh, no, I can’t do that." the lady said. "See, the sweater is going to be a surprise."

Three guys met at the insurance office and started conversation. One guy says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that’s why I’m here."

The second guy says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that’s why I’m here."

The third guy says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that’s why I’m here."

The other guys turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?" "Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick you out." "Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay. Tell me — what is on top of your doghouse?" "Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender. "That isn’t talking. Any dog can bark or make sound like that." "Okay boy. Tell me — how does sandpaper feel?"  "Ruff."

"What the hell are you trying to pull, mister?" "Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me — who is the greatest cricketer who ever lived?"

"Waugh."

The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.

"Geez. Do you think I should have said Sachin?"

A child asked his old dad, "Pop, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father pondered over the child’s question for a moment and said, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother. Because I still have mine."

The maths teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a blonde traveller was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets.
"Gee," the blonde says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should have gone to Florida instead.....everyone here expects to be tipped."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma