Webside humour
Can’t take chance

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The Consul advised George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial would be very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000. The Consul told him that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decided to bury the body here which would only cost $150.

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that’s what I want to do."

The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price." "No, it’s not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.

A man was watching TV as his wife was out cutting grass during hot summer. He finally worked up the energy  to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air- conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now. Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself." 

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming, "Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall!" Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital, the first man told his friend: "You are good for nothing, I’ve been screaming for you to watch out, why didn’t you? Jim answered him, "It was you driving."

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said, "Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts"

Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me"

The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst in the team."

Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can’t jump."

The police officer: You were exceeding the speed limit, madam, weren’t you?

The blonde driver: Yes, I was, sir, but you see my brakes are so bad that I wanted to get home before I had an accident.

There were three friends stranded in an island. Exploring the island, they found a bottle so they opened it. A genie came out, and she said she would grant them three wishes. The first man said, "I wish I was with my family." Poof, he was with his family. The second guy said "I wish I was in a bar with my friends." Poof, he was gone.

The third guy was feeling bad and the genie asked, "What’s wrong?" The man said, "I’m lonely I wish my friends were here." Poof, his two friends were back in the island.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma