Webside humour
Blonde in a library

Blonde Judi walks into the library, looks around, then gets in line for the counter. Once she gets to the head of the line, she loudly says, "I’d like a big Mac, large fries, and a large coke." The librarian looks at her for a moment then whispers to Judi, "Ma’am, this is the library." Judi nods, then she whispers, "I’d like a big Mac, large fries, and a large coke."

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.

"What for?" he snapped at the judge.

His honour, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared,  "Twenty dollars for contempt of court. That’s why." Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented.  "That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now." The young man replied, "I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorilla’s skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring.

During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage. As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He’s terrified and starts screaming, "Help, help."
The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we’ll both lose our jobs."

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment — shave, manicure, haircut, etc — he placed the boy in the chair. "I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I’ll be back in a few minutes." When the boy’s haircut was done and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot al about you."

"That wasn’t my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, sonny, we’re going to get a free haircut.’"

This feature was published on December 18, 2004