Webside humour
My feet

A three-year old boy put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don’t kid me, Mom. I know they’re my feet."

A blonde was walking past a blind woman using a cane on a street corner downtown, when she said, "Excuse me, but if it’s not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?" Our blonde replied, "Just a minute." He walked across the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you!"

A husband came home from office and found his blonde wife jumping up and down on the bed. The husband said what happened. She said, "Nothing, I was going to take that syrup which the doctor had prescribed me for my backache". "Then why are you jumping?" enquired the husband. "Because the label on the bottle said ‘shake well before using.’" said the wife.

A man was a miser and well known for his stinginess. One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop. As he was walking around, he noticed what was previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in the corner. It was in three pieces. After some haggling with the owner, he bought the broken vase for $5. He then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his niece’s name and address and gave the owner another $5 so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and mailed. He then left the shop feeling quite pleased with himself. He expected his niece to think the vase had broken in the mail.A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present had arrived. "Yes Uncle, but unfortunately, it was in 3 pieces when it was delivered." "What terrible luck." He said, "The Post Office is getting worse all the time." "It’s a shame," she replied. "It was so beautifully wrapped. Each piece separately."

Question: What is an exchange of opinions?
Answer: When you walk into your boss’s office with your opinion and walk out with his.

Junior had just received his brand new driver’s licence. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the backseat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man.

"Nope," came the dad’s reply, "I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for 16 years."

There are only two things to worry about in life — either you are healthy, or you are sick. If you are healthy, you have nothing to worry about, but if you are sick you have two things to worry about: either you’ll get better, or you’ll die. If you get better you have nothing to worry about, but if you die, you have two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven, or you will go to hell. If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about, but if you go to hell, you’ll be so damn busy shaking hands with your friends, you won’t have time to worry.

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma