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The New Couple by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. Element Books. Pages 347. $19 US TIMES change and if you are in a relationship, expectations too change over a period of time. Ask any love-struck couple if there’s a world beyond champagne, roses and candlelight dinners and the answer would probably be "no". But relationship experts and some wise couples are living proof that the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever. So what does it take to sustain a relationship? If you are looking for an answer to this question, you’d want to listen to what new-age relationship gurus Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee have to say in The New Couple - The 10 New Laws of Love. But why the new laws? Have the old laws of love and couplehood become redundant? Yes, argue the authors whose book has been dubbed "essential reading" by John Gray of Men-are-from-Mars,-Women-are-from-Venus fame. The authors argue that the state of the world is a reflection of the state of the modern couple. Given the stresses and strains of modern times ‘relationship health’ becomes a key issue. The focus is on the traditional form of marriage, which has failed to successfully survive the test of time, if the rising divorce rate is any indication. Where does the problem lie? The writers point out that the trouble is in the traditional model itself. While the old model calls for stability and lasting relationships, it fails to look at the key element of fulfilment in a relationship. The old model, the authors argue, ignores not only our unquestionable needs to learn to love ourselves and to find and fulfil our life’s true mission, but also the need for an ongoing emotional connection with one another. Their research shows that couples who fail to embrace self-love and take a closer look at their more evolved emotional needs are the ones who are most likely to separate or divorce. Clearly, for couples addressing the higher needs is no longer an option, which is why we now have the 10 new laws of love. In a nutshell, these are the new laws of love: *Chemistry: This is of essence to make a relationship click. It is the special attraction one feels for one’s partner. Chemistry is not just about friendship; it covers the entire gamut of sexuality in a relationship as well. *Priority: This represents the commitment to keep the chemistry alive by constantly working on a relationship and keeping unhealthy preoccupations at bay. Priority also means building on couple time, which, just like a well-watered plant, needs time to grow and flourish. *Emotional integrity or the emotional ‘safe zone’ includes all aspects of a relationship. It includes the entire array of emotions involved in a relationship and calls for addressing emotional blind spots or issues that cause discomfort in a relationship. * Deep listening: This is a pre-requisite for sustaining any relationship, more so one in which a couple is involved. It represents our willingness to learn how to listen to our partner’s words with respect and to respond to his/her feelings with compassion. * Equality: Though differences are inevitable, the fifth new law of love is emphasises respect and fairness. If differences prove hurtful to either person, it is important to address those issues to ensure a relationship can move forward in a positive direction. * Peacemaking: This is about a couple’s ability to keep the peace and restore trust every time it’s broken. This law entails having explicit rules, acknowledging the power of anger and knowing how to manage it. * Self-love: This is by far, my favourite new law of love. It says that we should work towards valuing and accepting ourselves. * Mission in life: This represents the couple’s commitment to discovering and fulfilling their life’s purpose. * Walking: Walking involves our resolve to work towards clearing up any financial or emotional dependencies that stop us from feeling free in a relationship. Being willing or able to walk away from the relationship if need be is the best guarantee that a couple will stay truly together for the rest of their lives. * Transformational education: Involves our commitment to go beyond the couple sphere and learn all the time. But does all of this really work in real life? Well, it certainly has for the thousands of couples who have undergone counselling with Maurice and Seana. The writers themselves are
living proof of a relationship at work. After all they’ve been
together for 16 years and if their on-and-off chemistry is anything to
go by, they are destined for a lifetime together. |
