Webside humour
Obeying a Rabbi

Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling and drinking in the company of undesirable characters. The Rabbi called them into his study the next day. Both confessed to having given in to weakness, and admitted that they deserved punishment. The Rabbi thought and then went into his kitchen and brought back two bags of dried peas. "Put these in your shoes," he told them, "and walk on them for a week to remind yourself how hard life can be when you turn away from the law." A few days later the two students met. One was limping terribly, had dark circles under his eyes, and looked very tired. The other seemed much as he had been the week before. "Hey," said the first. "How is it that you are walking so freely? Didn’t you do as the Rabbi told us and put the peas in your shoes?"

"Of course I did," said the other. "How could I disobey the Rabbi?" He started to walk away, paused, and then said "But I boiled them first."

Goldfish

Diane, a blonde, buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them that`A0she decides to keep them in her bathtub. One day she invites`A0her friend over to see all her beautiful goldfish. Lauren remarks, "They surely are beautiful, but what`A0`A0 do you do when you want to take a bath?"

Diane replies, "Simple. I just blindfold them."

Secretary

A jealous wife once went to her businessman husband’s office to meet him. As luck would have it, the husband was not in his office so she decided to wait for him in his room. Just the her husband’s beautiful young secretary entered the room. The secretary, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I’m so happy to meet you. I’m your husband’s new secretary." Within a single heart beat, the wife said, "Oh, really? Were you?"

Witness

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma