Webside humour
Three grenades

Santa and Banta found three live hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.

"What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asked Santa.

"Don’t worry about it," said Banta. "We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two."

A little boy opened the big family Bible. With fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered: "It’s Adam’s suit."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - Oh, my God."

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants."

With a sigh of relief, a passenger in the coach said, "That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine."

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves of bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans... all for a dollar.

Then grandpa said sadly, "You can’t do that any more...they got those darn video cameras everywhere in the stores now..."

Chicken

"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma